I’m doing mofo, I swear.
Things have been hard for me the past two months and the worst will be the next few days.
You see, after spending five years and 40+ hours a week with the children, it is finally time to say goodbye.
Yes, I knew this was one day going to happen, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
To be honest, it downright feels like my heart is imploding. This is by far the worst hurt I have ever experienced.
Everyone is worried about me. My mom called me today to say she isn’t sleeping because she is so worried.
I’ll be fine… But what no one seems to get is these kids are like MY kids. After making the decision to never have my own, these children sort of took the place in my life where I could focus all of my material nurturing.
Spencer? He’s MY baby.
I remember the day he came home from the hospital.
His first step.
The first time he tried saying my name but it came out as MENY.
His first food.
The first time he fell off the couch. And the second. And the third.
That time he got hurt and we had to take him to the hospital and he wanted ME there.
I feel like someone is taking a part of me away.
And yes, while I will see him often, it won’t be the same. Not by any means. Nothing will ever be the same again.
So please bare with me my fellow MoFo’ers. I will be blogging next week. My final day with the kids is Friday and after that, I’m free to cook and bake and craft since I don’t have a job yet.