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Life In The Hole (aka. How I’ve Managed to Become a Nurse)

Hello, dear readers!

Wondering where I ran off to?

Thinking perhaps I ran off and joined the circus out of grief for leaving my nanny job? Maybe I dove face first into a rack of ribs? Or maybe, just maybe, I stole the children and ran away to the circus to wallow in a BBQ sauce vat with them, which causing an amber alert that pans multiple states?

Nothing as simple as that, sadly.

While my job has been over for roughly three weeks at this point, life has been anything but relaxing or food-centric.

WARNING : THIS POST WILL HAVE LITTLE DO WITH FOOD AND MORE TO DO WITH LIFE. TURN BACK NOW!!



Ahem…

 

My last day of work was September 6th.

It was a Friday.

The kids and I spent the day as we usually would, minus a lot of tears on my part. The day before there had been talk on Sophia’s part, of them throwing a party for me. Little did I know, it wasn’t the tea party and pretend cookies I thought.

Bosslady came home, along with Bossman a few minutes later. Knowing I wasn’t done yet, I began to panic. We’re they letting me go early?! ON MY LAST DAY?!?! Panic set it.

Well, moments later, the children came out to the living room and all sat down. Boss lady and boss man joined them and handed me a Star Wars gift bag. Inside was a card, all signed by the kids, a Moes gift card, and various Star Wars toys (mostly Greedo related. They know me well!) Of course, it made me cry. Duh.

The big shocker came when boss lady brought out cupcakes she had picked up from Strong Hearts. I looked at her in disbelief and said “…..Holy shit. You went into the VEGAN cafe?!” She laughed and said yup, and that I should be oh so proud. And of course, I was.

After taking my sweet time eating my cupcake, I knew it was time to go.

Then came the goodbyes.

Let’s just say……it was bad.

Fast forward to me actually getting into my car.

As I’m turning on the car and buckling my seatbelt, everyone comes outside. Another round of hugs and kisses and I force myself to pull out of the driveway. 

The most gut wrenching part? Watching Sophia and Spencer chase me down the street.

I waited until I turned the corner and instantly started hyperventilating as tears just poured down my face.

I’ve experienced many losses in my somewhat short lifespan and that by far was the worst. Out of all of the deaths, injuries, illnesses, and distances, the pain I felt in my heart was the deepest. Driving away, I knew things would never be the same. My relationship with those children will never be the same, and my influence on them will slowly dissipate. As much as I try to rationalize it and talk myself out of loving those kids so deeply that I felt like a parent to them, it never worked. I can’t help but wonder if maybe, five years ago on that fateful day I met them, if only I had just separated myself from my job emotionally, if I would have faired better that day. Then again, on that cold January day in 2009 when boss lady came home from the hospital with a tiny little bundle of screaming, shitting joy, I’m sure I would have let me guard down long enough to fall in love.

Thankfully, my mother was waiting for me at Target. She knew this was going to be hard and she was insistent on me spending the night at her place. We planned a fun day out to a museum the following day and it was a good excuse not to be left home alone.

Well, the following day, we set off on our adventure to Corning Museum of Glass. As usual, mom had be drive. Nothing new. Niki sat in the front with me and mom in the back. The drive was a long one, but a beautiful one through the Finger Lakes and right along wine country.

Upon arriving at Corning, I start to pack my purse with essentials and remove the unnecessary added weight that electronics add. Suddenly, I hear my mom yell my name. I jump out of the car and find my mother on the ground. First though? Okay, she fell. Okay, she dislocated her knee (common). Nothing super serious….until the words “I dislocated my hip or broke it. Call 911.” 

……..

Uhhhhhh…..excuse me, mother?! You what now?

Thankfully, she is a registered nurse and knew what not to do in such a situation and that was UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU MOVE. 

Ambulance comes, Niki and I follow to the hospital, ER visit, X-rays, diagnosis is a broken femur. How do we fix this? Surgery. NOW.

No way could she return to Syracuse (2 hr drive) where she would receive top notch care at one of the four local major hospitals. Oh no, we are stuck in a small town who does even have an Ortho guy, but they have one visit on weekends from Canada.

After a very terrifying night of subpar nurse care (which I reported) and my tough-as-nails mother screaming out in pain frequently (the woman has root canals without pain meds, not to mention the heart attack she sat through and thought nothing of back in 2000), she went into surgery the following day.

A few more days in the hospital, then she was released.

And here we are nearly three weeks later. I haven’t left her side for more then a few hours because honestly, I can’t. I can’t because she needs me to assist in simple things such as bathroom visits, walking the stairs, and making coffee. And while she’s doing way better then most would be in her condition, it’s still a long and grueling process. She gets frustrated because she’s such an independent person that relying on anyone, even her daughter, is embarrassing.

As I told her though, there is nowhere else I would rather be.

So that, my dear readers, is why I have been silent. 

Life keeps shitting on me and the people around me.

Nannying, mom getting hurt, I suppose it all happened for a reason, right?

The entire experience of being a nanny to this family has been a crazy one for sure. One thing I walk away with is knowing that as a person, I have grown leaps and bounds. Knowing that I truly am capable of loving a child with my entire being, willing to die for him, and knowing full well I will never let anything hurt him….well, that’s just remarkable. I never in a million years would have thought I was capable of such a thing. And thanks to this experience, I came to realize I no longer want my own children. Why, you ask? Because as Spencer so graciously puts it……

“All children are born with bombs in their heads, and I control them. I will blow up any new kids you take care off.”

Well played, little man.

 

Mofo 2013

I’m doing mofo, I swear.

Things have been hard for me the past two months and the worst will be the next few days.

You see, after spending five years and 40+ hours a week with the children, it is finally time to say goodbye.

Yes, I knew this was one day going to happen, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

To be honest, it downright feels like my heart is imploding. This is by far the worst hurt I have ever experienced.

Everyone is worried about me. My mom called me today to say she isn’t sleeping because she is so worried.

I’ll be fine… But what no one seems to get is these kids are like MY kids. After making the decision to never have my own, these children sort of took the place in my life where I could focus all of my material nurturing.

Spencer? He’s MY baby.
I remember the day he came home from the hospital.
His first step.
The first time he tried saying my name but it came out as MENY.
His first food.
The first time he fell off the couch. And the second. And the third.
That time he got hurt and we had to take him to the hospital and he wanted ME there.

I feel like someone is taking a part of me away.
And yes, while I will see him often, it won’t be the same. Not by any means. Nothing will ever be the same again.

So please bare with me my fellow MoFo’ers. I will be blogging next week. My final day with the kids is Friday and after that, I’m free to cook and bake and craft since I don’t have a job yet.

Until then.. :-)

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28

I’m now 28, going on 13.

I absolutely do NOT feel 28 and the idea of that number terrifies me. It wasn’t until this year that my age truly started getting to me.

In a few short months, I will no longer be employed with the family. Spencer will be in school full time come September and having me around just won’t make sense. I knew this day would come and the kids would “outgrow” me. I never lived in the idea that I’d be with Spencer forever…. (or maybe I did..), and turn 28 has made me realize I might now need to secure a REAL job. I won’t allow myself to take care of another family. After the closeness I’ve developed with these kids, there’s no way I could do it again.

Anyway…

I’m 28 years old.

For my birthday meal, my mother took Niki and I to Rochester for a lunch! Thanks to a coworker of my mother’s, we found ourselves at The Owl House.

We didn’t realize until we arrived and started placing our order that they ere only serving brunch. Brunch has its own different menu and of course, everything we had looked at and oogled over was part of their regular menu.

I was super stoked about what the menu said we’re vegan mozzarella sticks and when I placed the order, the girl said they had just run out. Come again?! I should have told her to get back there and make them from scratch because its my goddamn birthday! Surely that would have meant we would be on saliva watch with all of our food… Maybe it would have been worth it?
The waitress suggested that we try Ciggarello’s. Sure, why the hell not! Bitch already let me down once so could these honestly be any worse?!

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Ohmyfuckawhat.
See what I did there? I made up a long word. Weee!
They were amazing. Truly something created by the gods.
What I can only describe as a egg roll sort of wrapped shoved full of seitan, buffalo sauce and I believe a cheese sauce of something sort, then fried.
Fat vegan kids fucking dream!!!

And how could those glorious appetizers be topped, you ask?!

I present you with…

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BREAKFAST NACHOS!!

By this point, I think I told our waitress I loved her multiple times. She was rather beautiful…but that’s not the point! She brought me delicious food so my heart was hers!!

What sort of meal is complete (especially a birthday meal!) without someone so sickeningly sweet that I felt like I was in a sugar coma the entire ride home?!

Truffles.

Fucking.truffles.

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Balls.
Best things I have ever had in my mouth.

After I basked in the glow of deliciousness, we went to Trader Joes where I carted home way too much Chorizo and Hummas.

The End.

Phoney Baloney’s Coconut Bacon

BACON!!!!!

BACOOOOON!!!!exclamation!!!

Every person on this planet enjoys the flavor of bacon. Maybe not the texture or the cruelty it represents, but the flavor is something that most people crave. That smokey, salty, crunchy goodness. After all  there is a good reason why there are so many recipes and products on the market for faux versions of the stuff.

Phoney Baloney’s may have mastered the art of coconut bacon.

I may be slightly biased since the creator of Phoney Baloney happens to be the boyfriend of my soul mate. Biased or not, the shit is delicious.

Don’t believe me? The fella was eating it by the handfuls this morning.

Along with the three bags we received (I told the fella he was donating to IndieGoGo whether he liked it or not….and he did….and didn’t complain one bit!), there was a sample of Ration’s, Kyle’s scramble seasoning. Thanks to Kyle, we knew what we would have for breakfast.

Of course, I sprinkled bacon on it. Why the hell not?! Bacon is good on everything.

The sample was just enough to flavor the tofu itself. It definitely wasn’t enough for the pound of carrots, shitakes, and broccoli I added in. Despite the flavor being VERY sporadic  it was delicious! Being someone who is making scramble 2+ times a week, I know my scramble!! This definitely surpasses my previous spice recipe.

As for the bacon, well…..

What better way then to make a BLT with Guacamole on Ezekiel Bread?!

Honestly, I’m not the best reviewer but needless to say by the few reviews I have on here, when I do review something it’s because it’s the fucking bee’s knee’s.

Go buy this stuff. Help out a small business because this one honestly deserves it.

And it will help put food in Andrea and puppies faces.

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 14,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 3 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

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