Cocoa Intoxication

TOO MUCH COCOA IS POSSIBLE, MY FRIENDS!

I don’t give a shit whatAlisha says. You hear that, Leash?! YOU LIE!

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See this bow of brown blob goo? This is Almost Instant Chocolate Pudding from Fran Costigan’s Vegan Chocolate  . People who know me know I would sell my left lung for a damn good pudding, and quite possibly a kidney for some mediocre pudding.

This? This is heaven.

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See that? That’s brownies from the same book. Pre-baked…OBVIOUSLY!

Well, this ridiculous imbecile decided it was genius to put the two together!

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I present to you…. COCOA INTOXICATION!

No, really. I truly believe after ingesting just a few bites of this hell, I was drunk. Drunk and maybe a bit high. Is that even possible?! And no, there are no drugs in the brownies.

After a few bites, I passed it off to the fella and demanded he finish it. In his delirious, sickly state, he did.

Within five minutes of groaning, pushing it away, and swearing off chocolate forever, he was passed out cold.

OUT. FUCKING. COLD.

Yes, my dear readers….. I have discovered the legal limit for cocoa.

The Great Cheesecake Conundrum

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Take a look at this disaster. A good, long look.

Now, please explain to me what the hell I did wrong.

This disaster came from The New Chicago Diner Cookbook . Yes, I followed the directions. Yes, I reread them over and over. Yes, I am still puzzled as to how the oil completely separated and floated to the top, leaving a mass of cream cheese at the bottom.

I have to say, I stood there for a few moments watching the bubbles come to the surface and pop at the top of the oil layer. I wondered to myself ” Can this be saved? Can I get past the fact that my worst enemy is staring at me, taunting me with its greasy nastiness?” The answer is FUCK NO!

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*vomit*

In other news, I made Pretzel Dogs of the Dead from Bake & Destroy !

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So. Good. And relatively easy to make, which is good since these were breakfast one morning. The fella works twelve hour shifts and arrives home around 7am. When he gets home, he’s starving so quick and easy is ideal.

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Fur Babies and Reubens

Oh, hi! Hey!

New things in my life include:

  • Mother to two of the cutest fur babies I have ever laid eyes on. A male, whose name is Obi and a female who we affectionately call Crumb. They enjoy biting each other in the privates and jumping in the air and doing back flips. Oh, and causing me to frog my knitting.
  • Knitting. Yes, I am obsessed with it once again. Though tonight, while trying to make the fella a Cthulhu hat, I may have nearly thrown it while telling him to go fuck himself. Why? Because I missed a stitch in my color chart. Cthulhu was laughing at me, I swear.
  • Christmas came and went and I am now the proud owner of a Canon Rebel T3i. Remember all my bitching about having a shoddy camera that couldn’t take a solid picture to save it’s life? well, problem solved.

And this is where you all simultaneously yell at me :

“MEGAN! START BLOGGING AGAIN!”

Well, I’m hoping I will now that I have an excuse to take pictures and cook things and post beautiful pictures of all of the various children in my life (including Alisha’s child whom I am visiting in a month, Chris, and of course, Spencer and the rest of his siblings.)

I will warn you all now, this blog may become a giant clusterfuck of babies/knitting/food/CATS.

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PLUS

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PLUS

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EQUALS

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One of the many new cookbooks I’ve received in the past few months was the newest title from The Chicago Diner. On the front cover in all it’s glory, was the Reuben. Well, I HAD TO MAKE IT.

After two pounds of seitan marinated in my fridge for three days, today was the day I tackled it.

For the record, I had no idea that Thousand Island Dressing was a mayo base. Had I known, I might never have made this.

Don’t mind my crummy pictures. I have no idea how to use my camera properly (just yet), but plan on spending the next week getting to know it. Intimately.

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FUR BABIES! Obi is the submissive one in this picture. When we took him to the vet a few weeks ago, they said he has a heart murmur. I blame that for his lameness in this picture. Crumb is the one sitting up, and what you don’t see it moments later, she full on lunged and bit his neck. She’s a whore.

So I know this is sort of jumbled but hey, they went and changed everything in my WordPress and I’m pretty confused by it all. This must be how old people feel like when old people try to Google stuff.

 

 

Life In The Hole (aka. How I’ve Managed to Become a Nurse)

Hello, dear readers!

Wondering where I ran off to?

Thinking perhaps I ran off and joined the circus out of grief for leaving my nanny job? Maybe I dove face first into a rack of ribs? Or maybe, just maybe, I stole the children and ran away to the circus to wallow in a BBQ sauce vat with them, which causing an amber alert that pans multiple states?

Nothing as simple as that, sadly.

While my job has been over for roughly three weeks at this point, life has been anything but relaxing or food-centric.

WARNING : THIS POST WILL HAVE LITTLE DO WITH FOOD AND MORE TO DO WITH LIFE. TURN BACK NOW!!



Ahem…

 

My last day of work was September 6th.

It was a Friday.

The kids and I spent the day as we usually would, minus a lot of tears on my part. The day before there had been talk on Sophia’s part, of them throwing a party for me. Little did I know, it wasn’t the tea party and pretend cookies I thought.

Bosslady came home, along with Bossman a few minutes later. Knowing I wasn’t done yet, I began to panic. We’re they letting me go early?! ON MY LAST DAY?!?! Panic set it.

Well, moments later, the children came out to the living room and all sat down. Boss lady and boss man joined them and handed me a Star Wars gift bag. Inside was a card, all signed by the kids, a Moes gift card, and various Star Wars toys (mostly Greedo related. They know me well!) Of course, it made me cry. Duh.

The big shocker came when boss lady brought out cupcakes she had picked up from Strong Hearts. I looked at her in disbelief and said “…..Holy shit. You went into the VEGAN cafe?!” She laughed and said yup, and that I should be oh so proud. And of course, I was.

After taking my sweet time eating my cupcake, I knew it was time to go.

Then came the goodbyes.

Let’s just say……it was bad.

Fast forward to me actually getting into my car.

As I’m turning on the car and buckling my seatbelt, everyone comes outside. Another round of hugs and kisses and I force myself to pull out of the driveway. 

The most gut wrenching part? Watching Sophia and Spencer chase me down the street.

I waited until I turned the corner and instantly started hyperventilating as tears just poured down my face.

I’ve experienced many losses in my somewhat short lifespan and that by far was the worst. Out of all of the deaths, injuries, illnesses, and distances, the pain I felt in my heart was the deepest. Driving away, I knew things would never be the same. My relationship with those children will never be the same, and my influence on them will slowly dissipate. As much as I try to rationalize it and talk myself out of loving those kids so deeply that I felt like a parent to them, it never worked. I can’t help but wonder if maybe, five years ago on that fateful day I met them, if only I had just separated myself from my job emotionally, if I would have faired better that day. Then again, on that cold January day in 2009 when boss lady came home from the hospital with a tiny little bundle of screaming, shitting joy, I’m sure I would have let me guard down long enough to fall in love.

Thankfully, my mother was waiting for me at Target. She knew this was going to be hard and she was insistent on me spending the night at her place. We planned a fun day out to a museum the following day and it was a good excuse not to be left home alone.

Well, the following day, we set off on our adventure to Corning Museum of Glass. As usual, mom had be drive. Nothing new. Niki sat in the front with me and mom in the back. The drive was a long one, but a beautiful one through the Finger Lakes and right along wine country.

Upon arriving at Corning, I start to pack my purse with essentials and remove the unnecessary added weight that electronics add. Suddenly, I hear my mom yell my name. I jump out of the car and find my mother on the ground. First though? Okay, she fell. Okay, she dislocated her knee (common). Nothing super serious….until the words “I dislocated my hip or broke it. Call 911.” 

……..

Uhhhhhh…..excuse me, mother?! You what now?

Thankfully, she is a registered nurse and knew what not to do in such a situation and that was UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU MOVE. 

Ambulance comes, Niki and I follow to the hospital, ER visit, X-rays, diagnosis is a broken femur. How do we fix this? Surgery. NOW.

No way could she return to Syracuse (2 hr drive) where she would receive top notch care at one of the four local major hospitals. Oh no, we are stuck in a small town who does even have an Ortho guy, but they have one visit on weekends from Canada.

After a very terrifying night of subpar nurse care (which I reported) and my tough-as-nails mother screaming out in pain frequently (the woman has root canals without pain meds, not to mention the heart attack she sat through and thought nothing of back in 2000), she went into surgery the following day.

A few more days in the hospital, then she was released.

And here we are nearly three weeks later. I haven’t left her side for more then a few hours because honestly, I can’t. I can’t because she needs me to assist in simple things such as bathroom visits, walking the stairs, and making coffee. And while she’s doing way better then most would be in her condition, it’s still a long and grueling process. She gets frustrated because she’s such an independent person that relying on anyone, even her daughter, is embarrassing.

As I told her though, there is nowhere else I would rather be.

So that, my dear readers, is why I have been silent. 

Life keeps shitting on me and the people around me.

Nannying, mom getting hurt, I suppose it all happened for a reason, right?

The entire experience of being a nanny to this family has been a crazy one for sure. One thing I walk away with is knowing that as a person, I have grown leaps and bounds. Knowing that I truly am capable of loving a child with my entire being, willing to die for him, and knowing full well I will never let anything hurt him….well, that’s just remarkable. I never in a million years would have thought I was capable of such a thing. And thanks to this experience, I came to realize I no longer want my own children. Why, you ask? Because as Spencer so graciously puts it……

“All children are born with bombs in their heads, and I control them. I will blow up any new kids you take care off.”

Well played, little man.

 

Mofo 2013

I’m doing mofo, I swear.

Things have been hard for me the past two months and the worst will be the next few days.

You see, after spending five years and 40+ hours a week with the children, it is finally time to say goodbye.

Yes, I knew this was one day going to happen, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

To be honest, it downright feels like my heart is imploding. This is by far the worst hurt I have ever experienced.

Everyone is worried about me. My mom called me today to say she isn’t sleeping because she is so worried.

I’ll be fine… But what no one seems to get is these kids are like MY kids. After making the decision to never have my own, these children sort of took the place in my life where I could focus all of my material nurturing.

Spencer? He’s MY baby.
I remember the day he came home from the hospital.
His first step.
The first time he tried saying my name but it came out as MENY.
His first food.
The first time he fell off the couch. And the second. And the third.
That time he got hurt and we had to take him to the hospital and he wanted ME there.

I feel like someone is taking a part of me away.
And yes, while I will see him often, it won’t be the same. Not by any means. Nothing will ever be the same again.

So please bare with me my fellow MoFo’ers. I will be blogging next week. My final day with the kids is Friday and after that, I’m free to cook and bake and craft since I don’t have a job yet.

Until then.. :-)

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