Neglectful Whore

The past week has been a big ol ball of hell. All I’ve done is work, and when not working I’ve been sleeping…sort of.

On Saturday, I left work with the intention of purchasing a gorgeous beach cruiser that was rebuilt from the 60’s. I was all excited, plotting how I will use said bicycle, yadda yadda. Well I get to the ladies house, we talk, she suggests I take it for a test ride. I get on the bike, place my feet on the peddles, and away I got.
I forgot her driveway was a 60 degree angle.
I forgot the bike has back peddle brakes.
I forgot what a GIANT klutz I am.
I wiped out BAD. It freaked the woman out enough to run in her home and grab Bactine and band aids. I , of course, was embarrassed so I didn’t want her to go to any trouble, despite the fact blood was rushing down my leg in a good steady stream. She insisted and I bandaged my leg, then attempted to ride again on a steady flat surface. She talked me out of the bike by saying how it isn’t practical for our hilly city and that it truly is a bitch to pedal uphill.
No bike for me!
Falling was a sign for me not to get it anyway. It kicked my ASS.

Fast forward six days.
My ribs are bruised, my arm has severe muscle damage and/OR is broken, and I have no insurance. The bossman is a ex-EMT and says that if this all persists much longer, I need to go to urgent care. Yup, lemme pull that dough out my ass.

I have barely cooked, cleaned nothing, and my injuries coupled with lack of sleep…..let’s just say I’m not that pleasant. Everyone thinks I’m being a hypocondriac, which yeah, I can be on rare occasions. No denying that one. But NOT this time.

I have Laura’s 4-tier (vegan!!!!!)wedding cake to crank out next weekend, so I’m hoping I’m fully recovered by then. If not, I’m slightly fucked.

As for the cake, these are the specs:

– Vegan, but shhhh, not telling the guests!
– 4-tiers, each a double layer
– Feeding 100 people
– Bottom Layer 12″: Undecided
– Second Layer 10″: Carob Mint
– Third Layer 8″: Chai Tea
– Fourth Layer 6″: Green Tea
– Hand-done Peacock Feathers for decorations
– No fondant, just iced

Did I mention NO ONE to help? No one has ever decorated a cake in that house before, so I’m on my own.

I will post tons and tons of pictures of the cake, as long as it comes out to my high standards. When it comes to cake, I cry if its not PERFECT.

Arms and fingers numb.
Entery end!

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2 thoughts on “Neglectful Whore

  1. Jacobian says:

    just use alcohol to treat the injury and you’ll be fine.

  2. Goodness! I hope you feel better soon, and that feeling better doesn’t require an expensive doctor visit.

    (Selfishly, I also want you to feel better so I can hear how that cake turns out. Sounds amazing!)

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