The hair is gone. And by that I mean I’ve dyed it back to a normal, more respectable color.
I’ve gone through this before. Bleach my hair when I’m feeling manic, only to change it back a short time later. It’s what I do rather then doing more destructive things I suppose?
This time was different. I was in love with my teal hair. Sadly, when it began to fade, I decided to attempt a new color. That color was deep purple and it was beautiful in the beginning. I loved it but not nearly as much as the teal.
As the purple faded, it left me with rainbow hair which I was not in love with at all. You know how they say when people are doubting their appearance, people can tell? I’m sure it was shining on my face how insecure I was. The looks on people’s faces showed more easily (or Maybe I just noticed more because I was doubting myself) and got to me more then they should have.
Dont get me wrong, I’m used go stares. As a 5’3″ fat kid with 13 piercings and a giant tattoo on my chest, it’s nothing new. It wasn’t until this hair debacle that I really did not like the attention (negative or otherwise) that it brought. It made me question everything I am.
Children loved the hair. They always had the best response. The kids I nanny for thought nothing of it. They saw me as their amazing nanny/best friend and didn’t put any thought to the color of my hair. The older two, well, they’ve always thought I was weird yet awesome. The 11 y/o was somewhat embarrassed by it, but he already cares too much about how others perceive him.
Bosslady made a few jokes about how I wouldn’t be allowed out of the house with the kids. That got to me. Probably where the 11 y/o got it from.
The last straw was when the fella and I were at Wegmans to get him a sub. We were waiting in line when two woman a few people in front of us noticed me. Well, the one noticed and nudged her friend and she mouthed “oh. My. God.” and nodded towards me. She kept doing it, blatantly staring and not trying to hide it at all. When her friend finally noticed me, I waved and smiled.
The kicker was, the woman who pointed me out to her friend had obvious physical deformities. Her upper torso was abnormally large and she had a hunch back.
As horrible as it is, I said rather loudly, enough so these rude women could hear, “Freaks shouldn’t judge other freaks.” followed by laughing and staring. She had her back to me and as her and her friend walked away, I laughed and stared again, obviously making her uncomfortable.
Right then and there I walked away and got the hair dye.
Before I get attacked, I fully understand what I said may not have been the best response, but really, what the Fuck was I to do?! I’m not one to think before I speak usually so this situation was no different.
I came home, grabbed some scissors and locked myself in the bathroom. I debated cutting off every bit of my hair, but luckily I back away from that and just gave myself a trim.
The hairdye I always use, Herbatint, spent the next 40 minutes in my hair. As soon as the time was up, I quickly washed it out only to find my hair coming out in small clumps. This has never happened to me before so I was slightly freaked.
The icing on the cake.
So here I am, feeling like I failed myself. No stranger to funky colored hair in anyway (first dye was red when I was 13), I feel like this time was a mistake. Have i grown out of my hairdye obsession? Not sure. Was it simply mania that made me decide I needed to change colors? Probably.
Either way, I’m doubting the whole situation.
Plus side, my tits look fucking epic today.