Category Archives: Faux

Review : Tofurkey Pockets

For the love of god, why on earth did Tofurkey believe it was a good idea to create a vegan version of Hot Pockets?!

Yes, it’s a good idea. Yes, they are delicious and everything I remember a Hot Pocket being (other then full of cruelty, grease, and tasty nasty bits). Yes, they will probably make a BUTT LOAD of money from this product alone. Yes, YES!

Behold, my lovelies!

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Thankfully, there is nowhere in Syracuse (YET) that carries these. The wonderful folks at Green Star Co-Op in Ithaca has them, and that is a one hour drive. Otherwise, the fella and I would be shoving these in our pieholes on a nightly basis.

Turk’y, Broccoli, and Cheese is pictured above.

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Above, BBQ Chik’n.

My one and ONLY issue with the BBQ one was the lack of filling. Not enough, I tell you! The crust on these is a little dry (being they are whole wheat, that’s to be expected) which I don’t think they took into consideration when filling these bad boys. The filling that was there, epic.

Overall, I’m thankful these exist.

And thankful I don’t have these within a 20 mile radius.


The Great Cheesecake Conundrum

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Take a look at this disaster. A good, long look.

Now, please explain to me what the hell I did wrong.

This disaster came from The New Chicago Diner Cookbook . Yes, I followed the directions. Yes, I reread them over and over. Yes, I am still puzzled as to how the oil completely separated and floated to the top, leaving a mass of cream cheese at the bottom.

I have to say, I stood there for a few moments watching the bubbles come to the surface and pop at the top of the oil layer. I wondered to myself ” Can this be saved? Can I get past the fact that my worst enemy is staring at me, taunting me with its greasy nastiness?” The answer is FUCK NO!

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In other news, I made Pretzel Dogs of the Dead from Bake & Destroy !

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So. Good. And relatively easy to make, which is good since these were breakfast one morning. The fella works twelve hour shifts and arrives home around 7am. When he gets home, he’s starving so quick and easy is ideal.

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Fur Babies and Reubens

Oh, hi! Hey!

New things in my life include:

  • Mother to two of the cutest fur babies I have ever laid eyes on. A male, whose name is Obi and a female who we affectionately call Crumb. They enjoy biting each other in the privates and jumping in the air and doing back flips. Oh, and causing me to frog my knitting.
  • Knitting. Yes, I am obsessed with it once again. Though tonight, while trying to make the fella a Cthulhu hat, I may have nearly thrown it while telling him to go fuck himself. Why? Because I missed a stitch in my color chart. Cthulhu was laughing at me, I swear.
  • Christmas came and went and I am now the proud owner of a Canon Rebel T3i. Remember all my bitching about having a shoddy camera that couldn’t take a solid picture to save it’s life? well, problem solved.

And this is where you all simultaneously yell at me :


Well, I’m hoping I will now that I have an excuse to take pictures and cook things and post beautiful pictures of all of the various children in my life (including Alisha’s child whom I am visiting in a month, Chris, and of course, Spencer and the rest of his siblings.)

I will warn you all now, this blog may become a giant clusterfuck of babies/knitting/food/CATS.

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One of the many new cookbooks I’ve received in the past few months was the newest title from The Chicago Diner. On the front cover in all it’s glory, was the Reuben. Well, I HAD TO MAKE IT.

After two pounds of seitan marinated in my fridge for three days, today was the day I tackled it.

For the record, I had no idea that Thousand Island Dressing was a mayo base. Had I known, I might never have made this.

Don’t mind my crummy pictures. I have no idea how to use my camera properly (just yet), but plan on spending the next week getting to know it. Intimately.

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FUR BABIES! Obi is the submissive one in this picture. When we took him to the vet a few weeks ago, they said he has a heart murmur. I blame that for his lameness in this picture. Crumb is the one sitting up, and what you don’t see it moments later, she full on lunged and bit his neck. She’s a whore.

So I know this is sort of jumbled but hey, they went and changed everything in my WordPress and I’m pretty confused by it all. This must be how old people feel like when old people try to Google stuff.



Phoney Baloney’s Coconut Bacon



Every person on this planet enjoys the flavor of bacon. Maybe not the texture or the cruelty it represents, but the flavor is something that most people crave. That smokey, salty, crunchy goodness. After all  there is a good reason why there are so many recipes and products on the market for faux versions of the stuff.

Phoney Baloney’s may have mastered the art of coconut bacon.

I may be slightly biased since the creator of Phoney Baloney happens to be the boyfriend of my soul mate. Biased or not, the shit is delicious.

Don’t believe me? The fella was eating it by the handfuls this morning.

Along with the three bags we received (I told the fella he was donating to IndieGoGo whether he liked it or not….and he did….and didn’t complain one bit!), there was a sample of Ration’s, Kyle’s scramble seasoning. Thanks to Kyle, we knew what we would have for breakfast.

Of course, I sprinkled bacon on it. Why the hell not?! Bacon is good on everything.

The sample was just enough to flavor the tofu itself. It definitely wasn’t enough for the pound of carrots, shitakes, and broccoli I added in. Despite the flavor being VERY sporadic  it was delicious! Being someone who is making scramble 2+ times a week, I know my scramble!! This definitely surpasses my previous spice recipe.

As for the bacon, well…..

What better way then to make a BLT with Guacamole on Ezekiel Bread?!

Honestly, I’m not the best reviewer but needless to say by the few reviews I have on here, when I do review something it’s because it’s the fucking bee’s knee’s.

Go buy this stuff. Help out a small business because this one honestly deserves it.

And it will help put food in Andrea and puppies faces.

Vegan MoFo Day.. WTF

Someone come visit me and yank my sinuses and ear canal out with a rusty hot iron. I can’t take this much more!!

Feeling like shit, along with the stress working 11 days in a row have made for an interesting food regimen.

Quick, easy, and cruddy are the things I’ve been devouring.

I need a cleanse. I need to feel clean again, and I don’t think that will happen until I’m sans sinuses.

I’m keeping the words to a minimum today, since I’m on the verge of crying/having a nervous fucking breakdown. Enjoy the pictures!



White Chocolate Raspberry Blondies that decided to be a bitch and not set. Fear not, I ate the delicious goo!

Oh hey, I made a pot roast.


Pot Roast with veggies and FF Mushroom Gravy (Yes, it looks gross.)

Why the hell do I constantly make things that are gross looking?!


White Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.


White Chocolate Chip Coookies in their finished form.


Tuna Casserole, an old standby.


Burgers and casserole. Drool.




Cheeseburger Pizza. Yeah, that happened.


Hopefully in the next few days I will have my spark back, but for right now, I think someone peed on it and it went out.